Britney Spears has released a new single titled “Pretty Girls” with Aussie trollop Iggy Aloser, and the song is okay. It’s catchy and has hit potential, but it’s also pretty safe. I guess it’s no shocker that her label would make her release a safe song after the “Britney Jean” fiasco, but let’s not eve dwell on that. Instead, lets reflect on all the positive things we’ve gotten already from this era.
1. Britney is promoting!
From her Uber promo deal to her upcoming Billboard Music Awards performance, Britney is actually working b*tch. Truth be told, if Britney walked into a Starbucks and told her barista to buy Pretty Girls on iTunes after she ordered a frappuccino, that would automatically be 2000% more promotional activity than she did last era. So the fact we are even getting a wonky legged performance of the single is a huge thing to celebrate.
2. The song isn’t “personal”!
Okay, it’s personal in a gay boy way. What 20-something queen can’t delusionally relate to lyrics like “wipe the floor with all the boys. Pour the drinks, bring the noise. We’re just so pretty!” at 3 am after they’ve had about 8 shots of vodka on their way home alone. At least Britney isn’t pretending to be Adele anymore.
3. Britney isn’t mentioning Piece Of Me every time someone brings up “Pretty Girls”!
I will never get over how tragic it was that we had to live through an era where every time an interviewer asked Brit about her new era she would answer: “Piece of Me is coming to Vegas this New Years.” For once Britney is actually letting people know she has a new song out.
4. The song sounds pretty good while driving in your car.
Basically all this means is it has radio appeal. Unlike “Work Bitch” which was iconic but honestly too strange for heterosexual middle Americans, “Pretty Girls” is much more radio friendly and is a lot of fun to drive around to. I am going to give the song a major test drive at the gym tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll slay in that environment too, but what would possibly motivate you to lose weight more than “Work Bitch”?
Honorable Mention: There is no Will.i.flop!
This isn’t really a true positive aspect because Iggy is involved. She’s swapped one rat out for another. But at least Iggy isn’t producing her music.