Aussie icon Kylie Minogue has always been a hard one for me to stan for, but boy have I always wanted to. She is so likable. That fun personality and totally down-to-earth sense of humor is extremely charming. She is a survivor. She is glamorous and glitzy. There are so many reasons why I want to be Kylie’s number one stan. The only thing standing between me and being the biggest Kylord fan on earth: her boring music.
Kylie just signed a major deal with Jay-Z’s Roc Nation, and semi-teased the word with the best song she’s ever released “Skirt” last summer. Things were looking way up and I was ready to stan. “Skirt” was a huge departure for her in that it was edgy and innovative. But it was ultimately short lived as Kylie is back doing what Kylie does best, making vanilla elevator-worthy music that is almost unlistenable.
Into The Poo is everything I was afraid of. It’s the same song she’s released for the last 15 years. So when did he get her hands on this track? 1999 during the “Light Years” era maybe? During “Fever”? Or perhaps this was an “Aphrodite” left over? Who knows, but this safe and dusty relic could have come from any of those eras, and that’s not a good thing. So in an open letter to Lady K, Flopstar Blog would like to beg and plead the songstress to take a risk. Doesn’t have to be a big risk, just a ity bity teeny weeny tiny risk would suffice.
Oh well, it’ll please her fans, who will surely say delusional things like “it’s quintessential Kylie, with a twist!” or “it’s a new fresh take on classic Kylie!” (But let’s be real here, it’s “All The Lovers” with a couple new words thrown in).
Grade: A totally average 5/10