I’ve never been a huge Beyonce fan. I find to be one of the worlds most overrated pop stars. Granted, I have liked songs by her in the past. I also think she’s super hot, (in a phony way which honestly is my favorite kind of beauty), a good singer and a fairly decent dancer. B’Day was so iconic that I literally can no longer type birthday as “B-Day” or “Bday” anymore; it’s fucking B’Day, okay? But her last 2 albums, I Am…Sasha Fierce and 4, were both so awful that I couldn’t help but develop some sort of deep rooted irritation to even hearing her name. (Ironically I seem to be the only person on earth who liked Run The World (Girls) though).
Over this entire year Beyawnce has been wasting the time and patience of both her label and adoring fans. She did a solid but plain performance at the Super Bowl in January, released random Pepsi associated samples of her comeback single Grown Woman, released random H&M associated samples of her another new song Standing On The Sun, released a couple remixes of both, and that’s about it. They weren’t commercially released and haven’t charted whatsoever.
This messy 5th album era has been kind of a shame, even from a haters perspective. While both Grown Woman and Standing On The Sun are not particularly good, but both aren’t necessarily bad either. Both sort of boarder on mediocrity, (which for Blandyance is quite a pleasant surprise).
Grown Woman, which is apparently finally officially released?, is a flawed but fun pop track. For a post-Aaliyah Timbaland produced track, it’s actually pretty decent. Since the passing of kween Aaliyah, Timbo has been in a rut. He’s basically produced the same song for the past decade over and over again. This is not different. It’s got his typical urban flair mixed with some light tribal instrumental in the background like he’s done for 15 years now. The song also suffers from being way too long. It’s nearly 5 and a half minute run time is not justified as the track is fairly monotonous. It still is decent enough to dance around to with friends.
Standing On The Sun is a bit blander. It sounds like major filler, which is disturbing as it’s also been a promoted track from this era. There is a remix of the song called the SOS Reggae Remix and it is much better than the H&M ad version. It has a sassy rap from Bey herself, and features a pretty out-of-date beat, (hello is this 2003?), but packs enough sass to keep my mind off that really weak chorus.
With bland tracks like these two, it seems like the insanely long wait for I Am….5 On My Dangerous B’Day won’t be worth it.
Grown Woman: 7/10
Standing On The Sun: 4/10