Kylie Minogue – “Golden” (Review)

When 101% of your fanbase consists of gay men, going country is going to be divisive. Hilary Duff tried it a few years ago and got dragged, (though we all admit it was a classic smash nowadays), Gaga tried it last year by pretending she was her dead republican gay-hating aunt Joanne, and Miley tried with her hand at twang with her career ruining album “Younger Now.”

The issue with Gaga and Miley’s takes on country was that it was actual country. Miley’s album in particular channeled the genre too faithfully. When your fans are gays, you need to give them what they want. Gays are not faithful (check Grindr for examples), so they will drop you like a hot potato in a second if you switch up your sound or some hotter, more glamorous diva shows up on the scene with hair more platinum than yours.

After the poorly received “Kiss Me Once” and the failure of her engagement with that younger guy who was clearly trouble but was so attractive we all ignored the signs, it seemed fitting she would try something new musically. Her music and life were not working. I will admit, when she started recording in Nashville I was not pleased. I was promised a disco trop-house lead single produced by super-hot at the moment British EDM DJ Sigala. But we got “Golden,” a country-inspired pop album that is actually pretty darn good once you get past the shock of having to listen to country, (and by country, I mostly mean aesthetically).

Literally not one person on this planet wanted a Dolly Parton inspired song about dying from Kylie Minogue, which is exactly what the lead single from the album is. “Dancing,” while sung in a Dolly-esque style of sing-talking, is not too far off from old school Kylie. It’s shimmering and catchy and has a fun electro beat. Sure, it’s not the Sigala song I was promised, but I really did genuinely enjoy it.

Elsewhere on the album there is a pure pop masterpiece “Sincerely Yours.” A song that recalls Kylie’s Stock Aitken Waterman era in the 80s with its earnestness. “Raining Glitter” recalls the material she was releasing during her “Light Years” era, and the deluxe bonus tracks are all standouts, “Every Little Part of Me” in particular.

I was worried about how the album would do commercially but it’s been smashing the charts and is almost halfway to a gold certification after only 6 days. Perhaps the genre shift inspired mothers to go out and buy the album? Or people who voted for Brexit? I know the gays aren’t buying it. Gays don’t buy music anymore. They just complain and send inappropriate photos to people who did not ask for them. Who knew there was a market in the UK for music from the Republican National Convention. Melania Minogue is the new leader of the #Gays4Trump movement, and we should all fall in line.

 

 

 

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Flopstar’s Top 10 Eurovision 2018 Songs (in no particular order)

Poland: Gromee & Lukas Meijer – “Light Me Up”

Eurovision fans rarely like “DJ music.” Give them a diva ballad and they’ll go crazy, but an EDM song that could be played at a festival and they’ll either complain or totally ignore it. Thankfully Poland is a televoting mega-power, so this could possibly take a spot in the final despite Eurofans hating this type of genre. That said, this is dance-poppy enough to possibly win a few over. Yes, 40% of the song is beat drop, but its also really catchy and has a good pop hook.

 

Cyprus: Eleni Foureria – “Fuego”

The 2018 sister to Cyprus’ 2012 banger of an entry “La La Love,” I’ve had this song on repeat for months. Its a total smash, with a catchy chorus and an ethno dance-pop beat drop that I thank God every day for. Imagine a remix EP. Now if only she could sing.

Finland: Saara Aalto – “Monsters”

This is pure Eurovision pop magic. A big diva voice, a catchy chorus, and a big eurodance beat. Songs like these are why I got into the contest. Saara can be a bit over the top to say the least, so I am worried about how this will translate live and whether she will turn off voters with her insane theatrics, but the song is a total banger.

Sweden: Benjamin Ingrosso – “Dance You Off”

The Ingrosso clan really churns out catchy songs. Sebastian, and now his cousin Benjamin, are both very good at releasing quality pop music. “Dance You Off” is a smooth and silky disco track with absolutely EXCELLENT staging. I can’t imagine this flopping in May.

Israel: Netta – “Toy”

Easily the most charming and unique of the 2018 entries, this song is the current favorite to win by both the bookies odds and the OGAE poll, (not that either of those are good at predicting a winner). That said, she KILLED this song live a few weeks ago at Israel Calling. This will be top 3 at worst. Anything lower would be a robbery.

Czech Republic: Mikolas Josef – “Lie to Me”

Sure, this song features horrible lyrics such as “but steady plenty motherfuckers wanna eat my spaghetti,” and the production is alarmingly similar to former One Direction member and Cheryl Cole marry-er Liam Payne’s debut single “Strip That Down,” but it’s also super catchy and Czechia’s best entry ever. Some you win, some you lose.

Azerbaijan: Aisel – “X My Heart”

Dated? Generic? Not relevant to any current music trends? Awful lyrics? For sure. But from the moment I heard “luna moon me up up up” I was sold. This is why I love the contest. Music like this only exists within the ESC bubble. It’s tacky and dated and just so good.

Moldova: DoReDos – “My Lucky Day”

The slice of ethno-pop the contest needs every year. This time, in banger form. This is ehtno-folk music for the clubs, if there are clubs for ethno-folk music.

Belarus: Alekseev – “Forever”

Surprised how much this song grew on me. He’s revamped it 100 times and I pretty much ignored them all. One day I gave it another shot and found it to be a pretty good ballad. Sort of a throwback to Dima Bilan, though not a winner in this decade sadly.

Germany: Michael Schulte – “You Let Me Walk Alone”

The best German entry since 2012’s “Still Standing,” which this song kinda sounds like. A tender ballad about a father who walked out on their family, it is full of emotion. Not sure how well such a low impact song will do in May though.

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Tim Schou’s New Major Label Debut “Nirvana”

Until about a week ago, I had totally forgotten about Denmark’s 2011 Eurovision entry, “New Tomorrow” by A Friend in London. It didn’t really register with me back in 2011. Remember, 2011 was nearing the peak of EDM dance pop on the radio, and the pop/rock of the early 2000s felt dated by that point. Flashforward 7 years later and it’s become my current obsession. Not only is it super catchy, but the lyrics, which are about rising up against the establishment to vote and protest, feel especially relevant in 2018.

That said, I never forgot about the lead singer of the band, Tim Schou. I will admit I thirst followed him on twitter back in the day, though I never really listened to his music. He has apparently signed a deal with Song BMG global recently and he’s started releasing music, and I was quite shocked by how much I liked it.

First, he released a song with German EDM DJ Felix Jaehn called “Millionaire.” It’s a cute song, though not a stand out on that album which is pretty great. I highly suggest checking Felix’ music out. Anyway, Tim’s first official release on BMG is a song called “Nirvana,” which is a super catchy pop song that would be perfect for a drive down to the beach on a summers day.  I’m looking forward to what he puts out next.

 

 

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Momoland Plagiarizes Serebro (and Many Others) With Exquisite Results

Former flops turned viral sensations Momoland have started off 2018 with a banger. The song is completely out-of-date with a rehashed dance routine Crayon Pop has used multiple times before, a music video set that is copied directly from Twice’s “Knock Knock” album art, and a song that is a amalgamation of multiple songs we’ve already heard, such as Alexandra Stan’s “Mr. Saxobeat,” Orange Caramel’s “Lipstick,” and anything T-ara released between 2010 and 2013.

The song production is actually re-purposed from a b-side on EXID’s 2016 album “Street,” which was re-purposed from T-ara’s “Number Nine.” So this thing is as unoriginal as they come.

What makes it even more hilarious is that Russian girl band Serebro took to Instagram to accuse Momoland of plagiarism. I have to say, they do sound identical and I’m shocked I didn’t pick up on it sooner as I am a huge Serebro fan. Serebro’s song in question is their 2015 hit “Mi Mi Mi,” which actually went viral in South Korea.

This wouldn’t be the first time the Russian group got jacked for k-pop hits. Rainbow copied their smash “Mama Lover” with the identical “Cosmic Girls” a few years ago. I don’t blame these groups for copying the best non-Asian girlband of this decade though. Serebro has hits for days and plagiarizing their work has worked for Momoland. They’re finally getting a hit. Perhaps their next song can rip off Serebro’s iconic Eurovision smash “Song #1.”

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2017 Year End Music List

  1. Margaret – What You Do
  2. INNA – Gimme Gimme
  3. RuPaul – Call Me Mother
  4. Lariss – You Can Lie
  5. Monoir & Alexandra Stan – Save The Night
  6. Anne-Marie – Ciao Adios
  7. RuPaul – Crying on the Dancefloor
  8. Tone Damli – Strangers
  9. Amir – Etats d’Amour
  10. Sigma & Take That – Cry
  11. Darin – Tvillingen
  12. Prettymuch – Would You Mind
  13. Nadine – Go To Work
  14. Amir – Que seront les hommes ?
  15. INNA – Nirvana
  16. Eirik – Sacrifice
  17. Last Night & Lariss – I’m Not Sorry
  18. Antti Tuisku – Party
  19. Margaret – Monkey Business
  20. My First Band – Paradise 
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2017 Year End Eurovision-related List

  1. Greta Zazza – Like I Love You (Lithuanian Selection)
  2. BQL – Heart of Gold (Slovenian Selection)
  3. Imri – I Feel Alive (ESC – Israel)
  4. Mariette – A Million Years (Swedish selection)
  5. Axel Schylostrom – Nar ingen ser (Swedish selection)
  6. Dihaj – Skeletons (ESC – Azerbaijan)
  7. Uku Suviste – Supernatural (Estonian selection)
  8. Jana Burceska – Dance Alone (ESC – Macedonia)
  9. Sunstroke Project – Hey Mamma (ESC – Moldova)
  10. Johanna Beijbom – ASAP (Danish selection)
  11. Robin Bengtsson – I Can’t Go On (ESC – Sweden)
  12. Aron Hannes Amilsson – Tonight (Icelandic selection)
  13. Aron Brink – Hypnotized (Icelandic selection)
  14. Kerli – Spirit Animal (Estonian selection)
  15. Loreen – Statements (Swedish Selection)
  16. Kristian Kostov – Beautiful Mess (ESC – Bulgaria)
  17. Almost Natural – Electric (Estonian selection)
  18. Fruela – Live It Up (Spanish selection)
  19. Jowst – Grab the Moment (ESC – Norway)
  20. Demy – This is Love (ESC – Greece)
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2017 Year End K-pop List

  1. LOONA – Odd Eye Circle – Girl Front
  2. AOA – Excuse Me / Bing Bing
  3. CLC – Hobgoblin
  4. SNSD – All Night
  5. LOONA – Singing in the Rain
  6. LOONA – Love Cherry Motion
  7. Red Velvet – Red Flavor
  8. LOONA – Eclipse
  9. Weki Meki – I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend
  10. LOONA – Odd Eye Circle – Sweet Crazy Love
  11. BoA – CAMO
  12. EXID – DDD
  13. Red Velvet – Peek a Boo
  14. Minzy – Ninano
  15. Yuseol – Ocean View
  16. Wanna One – Electric
  17. HyunA – Lip & Hip
  18. Pristin – We Like
  19. Brave Girls – Rollin
  20. Sonamoo – I (Knew It)
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